God is in the details

For a week these thoughts have been spinning around in my head. I’ve been wanting to write them down and just haven’t had/taken the time to do so. Right now, I’m sitting in the chair, watching Kevin sleep. I am waiting to see the oncologist who will be by this afternoon with the results of the biopsy. I’ve already seen the pathology report, so I know what’s coming. Not the details, but the fact that it is cancer. So I just want to write some things down before our world implodes. 

When I look back over the past few months I now take notice of many things. First of all Kevin’s health has been declining for several months. I’ve mentioned it to a few close friends, commenting that “I’m married to an old man.”  I said it jokingly, though really it’s true. For the past 6 months or so he has been so tired. He would frequently go to bed at 8 or 9 o’clock. He’s always been a night owl, like me. He might get back up, but not always. He was having a lot of pain with his back and had recently started seeing a chiropractor. His legs have been especially achey. But he has always had achey legs. And a backache wasn’t rare. We had even talked about him going to the doctor when we returned from our cruise in early October. Figured he might be anemic or something. Never in a million years would we have thought this. But if we had gone to the doctor saying he was “tired and achey” they would have done some bloodwork and given him some vitamins. NO ONE would have said “let’s check for cancer.” So really, it is just lucky (a blessing) that we found the mass. It all started with those blood clots the end of August. Those were from the cancer, but we didn’t know. It wasn’t until further testing in the ER that a doctor saw a mass on the CT scan while assessing the blood clots that were in his lungs. Purely accidental. Or a God thing. You decide. I already know. God is in the details. 

One of the first things I am grateful for is that this didn’t happen while we were on our cruise. Can you imagine if we were in the middle of the ocean when all of this happened. It could have been so much worse. 

I’m grateful we bought the cruise insurance and air fare insurances. Still working that all out — or rather Jake is, for me. There was a time that really mattered to me. But now I don’t care. 

I’m grateful that I have a new van. That may sound frivolous, but it’s not. We had been talking about getting a new one for quite some time because I had PTSD from an experience a year or two ago where it let me down. It was 16 years old. I would have been very anxious driving back and forth at night with my old van. The new one gives me a feeling of  security. Not to mention that I can listen to and respond to my texts while driving (maybe my old one could have done that. But if it did, I didn’t know.)

I’m grateful that I recently had cataract surgery. While I haven’t loved the final results, they are the results I needed. I can now  see to drive at night. That’s big. And I don’t need to put on glasses in order to take care of any needs that Kevin might have in the middle of the night. That is a huge blessing. 

I’m glad that just a little over a month ago my mom moved into a care facility that will work much better, logistically. She is barely a half mile from my house. I pretty much drive right past her house every time I leave my neighborhood. That makes it easier for me to help her out. And she just “needs” me less because the facilities there provide services for her when I’m not available. And Jake lives just another 1/2 mile down the same road and is willing to help out. Church members have offered her help and to take her to places she needs to go. I know she has a few appts that she has had or has scheduled that church members are handling. 

Our church family. I don’t even know how people do this without a church family. They are there for us. We’ve had so many offers of help it boggles my mind. Just a few minutes ago a friend texted me that she lives 5 minutes from the rehab place we are hoping to get him into. She has opened her home to me. Blessed by my church family. 

Our kids. Oh my goodness. Jake has been an absolute rock. He is doing things like applying for Short Term Disability for his dad and handling the details of the cruise reimbursement. I just can’t deal with doing those kinds of things right now. And he is probably more capable than I am. He’s also doing laundry, running errands, making food runs, checking the mail and giving Ella a little extra love. All the things. There is absolutely nothing that I can’t trust him to handle. He is clearheaded and we both process things similarly. Except he is better at adulting than I am. A LOT better. 

I am grateful that all this started during a bye/buy/by week for Alabama. Because of that Brett was able to be home. He would have still come in but this is better. And Fran was able to come down for the weekend, which I know was a comfort for him. He stayed with his Dad for 3 nights, allowing me to get some rest at home. I’m thankful that next week is an away game and he can be home then, too. I’m thankful for his bosses being so generous with time off and even calling to check on Kevin. 

I’m thankful for technology and social media where I can share our situation and ask for prayers. It’s also cathartic for me to just write. 

I’m thankful for FaceTime and Blink Cameras. Even if we are just using that technology to communicate with our cat. LOL

Another HUGE fact is that as a diabetic, I started taking Mounjaro a little over 2 years ago. My blood sugar has done phenomenally. It is perfect. During that time I’ve also lost a little over 70 lbs. Losing the weight has made it easier for me to do all the things. I can’t imagine doing all of this with an extra 70 pounds strapped to me. 

There are just so many things that have been set in our path to prepare us for this. There are more. I just can’t remember them right now. I should have made notes as they flew through my brain earlier. 

Through all of this, we KNOW that God is in the details. Please continue to pray for our family.  

So, watch this space. Hit the “Subscribe” button and it will just automatically come to your email and you won’t have to try to remember to check. And I’ll try to get better about posting.